Part 1 of a 2 part series on Dads and Doulas.
Often times I hear that some dads can be reluctant about hiring a doula. They have many valid reasons: too expensive (during a time of extra expense and uncertainty), feels that the doula will interfere in the ‘intimacy’ of birth, some may feel like they will bet left out completely or the opposite that they may have to participate when they don’t want to.
Dads are wonderful creatures, I really mean that! 
They were designed to care for/about their spouses, be good providers and protectors. This same instinct can sometimes cast doubt on the presence of an ‘extra’ person in the birthing room. I’d like to reassure you that this (that’s me!) extra person has a beneficial presence!
Some dads want to be, and are, very active in the birthing experience. They want to be the one helping mom to focus, helping to facilitate her effective labor & birth, and I say “bravo”!! My job as a doula is to support mom and dad during labor and birth. If dad wants to participate in this capacity, then I am certainly there to help him do so. I can offer suggestions and provide assistance when needed to the dad who is very involved. Helping answer questions before hand and providing educational materials is a great way to help prepare dads for labor & birth. Remember that in our society, most women have little experience with labor and birth before they have their own children, and that is doubly so for men.
Other dads want to be there for their wives/partners, but don’t really want to be too involved. This is perfectly fine as well (remember it’s not my job to tell you what is right or wrong, but to help educate you and prepare you for the role you wish to take!). I take special care to include dad in the role he is comfortable without making him feel out-of-place.
Whatever level of participation that the father wants to have is between he and his spouse, I am there to help facilitate that partnership. Sometimes just role playing and going through the motions during pre-natal meetings goes a long way in equipping partners for their staring roll during labor & birth.
It is important to consider fathers when looking forward to the labor and birthing experience. They may not be doing the work of ”delivering” but they play a very important role and should be commended for their participation! I applaud dads for being a supportive partner in birth!
Check back next week for part 2 which will focus on the ‘expense’ part!
Pregnancy Blessings!
Brandi Monson
CD(DONA)
Serving Southeast Kansas and Northeast Oklahoma
Including the cities of: Independence & Coffeyville Kansas and surrounding areas.
September 23, 2011 at 5:49 am
I know i have posted this before however, hiring a you was the best money she ever spent! Her Father was very sceptical at first after Eli’s birth he tells everybody that how much better having a Doula there made the process go. It was much easier asking you questions and if you couldn’t tell us something then you would consult the nurses. And you were able to handle the situations that happened very effectively, such as persons in the labor room that were not wanted in there. The more knowledge a person has before the labor the less they have to fear.
September 23, 2011 at 3:12 pm
Thank you Michelle! I appreciate the comments! You know I was pretty impressed with him too!